The one with the gay guys
by IbenholtTheSnowBunny
Summary: Joey, Ross and Chandler bumps into a hockey-loving canucklehead at their usual hang out. When he invites them home to see the game, Ross and Chandler are distressed to learn about the guy's cute, german boyfriend.


Winter had come to New York along with snow and the Winter Olympics. In the always nice little coffee shop Central Perk, the usual costumers were obviously bothered. Ross Geller was sitting on a stool near the counter watching hockey. "Shootshootshootshootshoot!" He cried and was joined by another voice. "Awww!" They both cried when the team missed. In the sofa, Phoebe Buffay looked over to her friend Rachael Green and sighed, "I don't care if they say that playing sports is healthy, watching it makes people's brains melt together." Rachael nodded in agreement and looked over to the two men. "On the other hand, that's actually kind of cool." Phoebe mused. Rachael was busy watching the other guy by the counter. He was suited in a cowboy hat, a dark brown sweater, jeans and boots. His beige jacket with a white fur collar was placed in his lap. "Pheebs, brains aside for a while, do you know who that is?" The other woman looked over to the stranger and pursed her lips. "I haven't seen him around before. Maybe he's a spy from another coffee shop?"

The two men sat hypnotized and watched the TV. "They're gunna score this time!" The other guy said.. Then the screen went black. "Hey, what's the flamin' idea, Bub?" The cowboy yelled. Günther put the remote back into his pocket and looked nonchalant at the two men. "Sorry, guys. We're dumping the TV." "Why?" Ross asked, "Because the costumers are complaining about the noise." The other man stood up, revealing his short stature, and pointed the shopkeeper in the chest. "Hey! I'm Canadian, I have the right to shout when my team scores!" Günther shrugged apologetically, "I'm sorry, sir. The majority of people who come in here come here to get away from the Winter Olympics." He walked away, but not without a peek at Rachael who was trying to explain to Phoebe that 'The Caffeine Mafia' probably didn't exist.

"Flamin' people." The cowboy looked over his shoulder at the young people who were ogling him. "Eyes to yerself, brats! Drink that fancy-smancy coffee o' yers an' leave me alone!" He leaned over the desk and turned his icy blue eyes to Ross, "Ya wouldn't happen ta know if there's a good bar around here?" Ross shook his head. "No, I'm sorry." The stranger shook his head helplessly. "Damn it. Where can a guy get some decent service in this part o' the city?" Ross shrugged. "I hear you. I was developing a hypothesis about how the puck might…" The cowboy held his palm against the Paleontologist, "Bub, shaddap. Its sports, not rocket science. I watch it ta see people get the crap beaten outta each other. An' ta see Canada win." He laughed hoarsely. "But that's obviously not a possibility in this fine establishment." Ross was at this point guessing that this little man was a truck driver or something and that he had looked forward to this event all year long. "So… what are you going to do now, Mr…?" "Logan. I've got a TV at home." The other man blinked, "Then what are you doing here?"

"I ain't the type ta sit home and watch the game. I gotta be in a bar. You know, drink beer, cheer with yer friends, get into a fight over the results and finally get thrown out." He looked out into space with a dreamy expression on his face. Ross gaped and stuck his chest out, "I know what you're talking about." He said, trying to make his voice sound deeper and more masculine. "What happened to your bar?" Logan's expression went from dreamy to sad,"They turned it into a coffee place… Ross." He drew back. "How do you know my name?" Logan pointed to Ross' chest. "Name tag." He then stood up and stretched, "This place doesn't feel right. It's too hip and cozy fer an old man like me. Be seein' ya." Just as he grabbed his jacket, Joey Tribbiani and Chandler Bing burst through the door and ran up to Ross. "How are we doing?" "Did anyone score yet?" They asked loudly. Ross shrugged sadly, "Sorry, guys. I don't know." "How can you not know?" Joey asked. Chandler pointed to the spot where the TV had been. "How...? What...?" Joey fell to his knees.

"Well, guess we gotta go home and watch the game." Chandler sighed. "Not tonight, you're not." Monica said from the couch. "Right, girls?" She looked over to Rachael and Phoebe. They made some low sounds of agreement. "Why not?" Chandler asked, "Because…" Monica dragged the answer out and looked over her shoulder for help. Not that she got any. "Ok, you know what? I can't stand it when you guys watch hockey or football or whatever. You're loud and crude, and honestly, I'm getting tired of vacuuming up traces of chips." Joey gasped as if it was the most dramatic thing he had ever heard and pointed at her with a judging finger, "You said that was the best part of the whole game!"

At this point, the cowboy stepped between them and looked at the men, "You guys rootin' fer Canada?" They nodded, "Then yer welcome ta see it at my place." Chandler blinked, "And you are?" "A guy who cares about hockey." He answered. "Um… Joey, Chandler, this is Logan. Logan, these are my friends, Joey and Chandler." Logan nodded at them. "D'you really want to invite us to your home just like that?" Joey asked. He couldn't say that he was very positive to going home to a man he didn't know. "Why not. It ain't often I meet people who's rootin' fer Canada." It didn't take long before they were all on their way home to the little man in the cowboy outfit.

They entered a large apartment with stylish interior. "Wow… I for some reason expected this place to look like a saloon or something." Chandler commented. Logan took his jacket and hat off and shrugged, "I take it from your tone that you think yer funny. Yer not." Joey tried not to laugh, then his eyes widened. "Logan?" He said breathlessly, "Yea?" He answered. "How can you leave the house?" Joey fell to his knees and bowed in front of a big TV. Logan gave an amused look and left to find chips.

An hour or two later, the door went open and someone came in. "Schatz?" Logan pulled his eyes away from the screen for the first time that evening and jumped up from the couch. "Kurt!" He said, making the other guys turn. The man in the doorway was quite tall and slim, wrapped in a long, black coat with a scarf around his neck. His dark curls were full of snow crystals that were melting rapidly, and his cheeks were light red from the intense cold outside. His arms were full of big paper shopping bags, and Logan rushed to get them for him. He carried them to the kitchen and put them all down. It was at this point that Kurt noticed the guests who were peeking at him over the sofa. He smiled friendly to them as he removed his jacket and revealed a blue shirt. "I see we have visitors." He had a heavy German accent. "Yea. You dun' mind?" He hung his jacket up and shook his head, ridding his hair of the water droplets. "Not at all. I just want to know who you are and what you have done to Logan, for he would never invite anyone over to watch the game with him unless he had known them for years." Logan snorted, "They're cool. They're rooting for Canada." Kurt nodded his head in understanding, "I see. That practically makes them family." "Yup! Oh!" Logan gave a victorious laugh as he held up two six packs of beer. "The good stuff! Ya shouldn't have!" Kurt took of his shoes as well, "You're right, but I did." He walked in and greeted the guests. When he grabbed Joey's hand, he leaned in slightly, "Hold on! You're Joey Tribbiani! Aren't you?" "Yea, I am. You've heard about me?" Kurt smiled, "Yes, of course! I was furious when they killed you off on 'Days of our lives'." They started chattering with one another, much to the surprise of Ross and Chandler who then turned their attention to the game. Logan handed them a beer each and emptied his own in one chug. "I'll make you dinner." Kurt said as he headed for the kitchen. "Aren't you going to watch the game with us?" Joey asked, without taking his eyes from the screen. "I'm not very into hockey. And someone has to feed you people."

The commercials came on and they finally turned their attention fully to their hosts. "It's so nice to have guests. We don't get much time to get to hang out with anyone." Ross scratched his nose, "Oh? What do you work with?"

"I'm a doctor." Kurt answered. "I'm a cop." Logan said and surprised no one. Chandler crushed his can as manly as he could and looked at them, "But don't those jobs pay very well?" Kurt nodded, "They do, why?" "Then why do you live together?" An uncomfortable silence lasted and the two men shared a glance. Logan crossed his arms over his chest and smiled awkwardly. "We're partners." Logan placed one of his large hands on Kurt's thigh. Joey, who was quite occupied emptying a bowl of pretzels, looked up, "Like a doctor and cop duo? Oh, that would be such an awesome show!" Kurt nodded with an over bearing smile gracing his features. "More like a doctor and a cop couple." Joey sat with a blank expression for half a second, then his mouth formed an 'o'.

Later that night, the three men left the nice apartment and were greeted by the ice cold air when they got out. That's when Ross and Chandler exploded, "Oh my gosh! They're gay? I don't believe this!" "My childhood is haunting me!" Joey looked mildly concerned for his friends, "Guys, what's the problem? They're nice. And they have German beer, guys. German."

*The next day at Central Perk*

"You're not gonna believe this! Logan is gay!" Rachael looked up at her on and off boyfriend. "Who's Logan?" Chandler and Ross both slumped, "That butch guy we met here yesterday!" She gasped and nodded, "Oh, him!" Phoebe sighed, "He was hot. Too bad for me." She looked at her guitar and started playing, "I met you on a café last Friday, but today I found that you're gay! Hey, cool! We've got a new hit!" Ross ignored her enthusiasm. "That's all you have to say?" Monica looked careless at her brother, "Why is this such a big deal?" Ross' complexion became very rosy all of a sudden, "Hello? Lesbian wife! I don't need to have gay friends, when I married a lesbian!" Now Joey joined the discussion, "What are you afraid of? That one of them will feel you up? They're practically married." Chandler put his finger into Joey's chest, "Hey, they're going to take me down, ok? Almost everyone I meet thinks I'm gay! They're going to introduce me to one of their gay friends, or maybe they are going to have a threesome, and want me in it." His best buddy laughed a little, "Not likely, chandler. Kurt told me they're not into that." He grimaced, "He told you? Why would he tell you that?" Joey shrugged, he didn't appear to have a clue about how or why this seemed odd. "Because I asked him." "Why in the world would you ask him that?"

"I was just curious." Chandler drew back, "They got you, didn't they?" Joey crossed his arms and sighed. "Who keeps hugging me, and taking hugs back, huh?"

They were about to argue some more when Kurt entered. Joey waved him over to their little group. "Hi, guys." He said and politely shook hands with the girls. "Hey, Kurt." "The big game is on tonight. Logan wondered if you wanted to come over." "Are you going to be there?" Joey asked. "Of course. I have to cook whenever the Olympics are on, or Pete Police completely forgets to eat. See you tonight, then." He was on his way out again, when he turned, "Oh. And, Joey?" "Yea?" "I'm making sandwiches tonight." He said with a smile. The expression on the other man's face morphed into child-like glee. As soon as Kurt was out the door, Joey leaned over to them, "Who's Pete Police?" Chandler shook his head and turned to Ross. "We're not going, are we?" This was met by a deadly look from his best friend, "Sandwiches…" He wheezed.

Kurt sat a huge plate full of mouth-watering sandwiches on the table. "Eat up, there're more in the kitchen." Joey's face was lighting up like fireworks, he grabbed the sandwich closest to him and bit into it. "Oh, my God!" He said his mouth full. "I know." Logan answered and continued to dig in on his sandwich. "These are amazing! Logan, if you don't marry Kurt, I will!" Chandler and Ross froze at this and looked terrified at their friend. "Joey!" Chandler whisper-screamed frantically. Logan leaned over and gave Kurt a big kiss. "Sorry, Bub. Kurt's mine. I'm starting to think that YOUR boyfriend is getting jealous. Ain't ya, Chandler?" Logan nudged him with his arm. He released his best fake laugh and took a sandwich of his own.

Soon, the final part of the game came up. Chandler was placed beside Kurt on the arm lean of the couch, staring overly focused on the screen. Then the goal came and everyone except Kurt stood up. Chandler tripped and landed face first in his lap. They were both paralyzed until the others had calmed down and got to see the little scene. "Hm. Better get yer man on a leash, Joey. He's goin' after mine."

"I love those guys!" Joey said as they walked down the road and home. "We're visiting them next Saturday, too, right?" Ross and Chandler stopped at the same time. "Joey… doesn't it make you a little uncomfortable?" Joey stopped, too. "Yea, but not everyone knows that honey mustard is supposed to be in thick layers." Ross shook his head. "They were kissing, Joe." He shrugged. "So? You don't have to watch'em." Chandler shuddered, "But still!" Joey snorted, "I didn't know you guys were this intolerant." He shook his head and left.

*The next day*

"Ok, we're gonna go in, behave and pretend like nothing is unusual." Ross said, holding a bouquet of tulips, "Yea, because nothing screams 'we are comfortable around you' like flowers and little rainbow flags." Chandler commented and knocked on the door. Logan opened. He was wearing a shirt with a giant maple leaf on it, in the colors of the flag. "Oh. Hi, Fellas." Logan nodded to them. "Hey, Logan. We're here to watch the final." At this, Kurt came up to him and touched his arm, "You didn't…?" He asked Logan lowly. "Yea, uh, guys… I dunno how at say this properly, so I'm just gunna be direct: we don't want you in our apartment anymore." Their faces dropped. "Huh?" Kurt continued, "You are so jittery around us. It's like we're contagious or something." The two men on the outside couldn't exactly argue. "Joey told us about your little phobia, and we thought it would be best if we stopped bothering one another." Ross was the first one to get to his senses and he cleared his throat, "Well, if you think it's for the best." He tried a smile, but Kurt was dead-serious. "We do. Good bye." He was about to shut the door, when Chandler put his foot between it and the frame, "Is this about me sniffing your crotch?" Kurt pursed his lips and went inside again while Logan shut the door. Joey and Chandler were on their way to the stairs when the door went open, "Oh, and Chandler." He looked surprised at Logan, "Yea?" "If I see you touching my husband again, I'm gonna rip yer beatin' heart outta yer chest. Got that?" "Yessir."

They got back in and sat down besides Joey. He was eating a donut and laughing at something that was happening on the TV. "You should have heard them! They thought you would try and seduce us." Kurt put his hand on his thigh and started moving his finger around in circles. "Is that so?" Logan put his arm around Joey's shoulders and gave him a wolfish grin. The Italian sat quietly for two seconds before he broke away from both of them with a yelp, ran out the door and slammed it. Then he ran back in, grabbed all the sandwiches he could and ran out. The second time the door slammed shut, the two men shared a look, "Thank goodness, I thought he'd never leave." Kurt said and crawled on top of Logan and kissed him.

"CUT! That was magnificent! Good work everyone! Wolvie, Nighty, you guys shone tonight!" They got off each other and walked over to their director. Kurt turned off his image inducer, while Logan pulled of his shirt, revealing his costume beneath it. "We did what ya wanted, Mojo. Now ya let the other X-Men go." The huge yellow self-proclaimed genius nodded sadly. "Alright. But before you make your minds up, just think about the opportunities I could give you! Guest roles in 'Seinfield', 'Two and a half men', 'The Nanny', 'Sex and the City', any show you can think of! And if the rest of the gang is half as talented as you two are, we'll have a blast! We'll make millions! Am I the only one who can see Emma the new Desperate Housewife? Shadowcat could be in our own version of 'My sweet 16'! OH! And Colossus could be in 'American Gladiators!" While Mojo was babbling to himself, Kurt and Logan 'persuaded' Spiral to send them and the rest of the bunch home.


End file.
